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A is for Assuming Rapport.

One winter night, I was walking back home in Greenwich Village when suddenly I saw Alec Baldwin, a famous actor, walking towards me with his dog. 

I had seen him in my neighborhood before. But, I never got the courage to speak to him. I thought to myself: this is my chance.

With a deep breath, I walked up to Alec, extended my hand, and said, “Hi! I’m Eric, it’s nice to meet you.” 

Alec, slightly surprised, responded, “Hi. I’m Alec. Do I know you?”

“No…I don’t think so.” I replied.

He smiled and said, “Oh well, you’re looking very sharp this evening!”

Courage

Assuming rapport hinges on the fact that people will take on the frame you give them. Think about it. When someone approaches you in a friendly way, don't you find yourself being friendly back? 

Taking that first step in being friendly and open can be a little daunting but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a grand gesture. Sometimes a simple hi, said from the right place, will do.

Goodwill

When you give love, love returns to you. Building rapport requires an open heart. It means embracing those around you and seeking their positive qualities.

Cultivating goodwill requires patience. People may be closed off or experiencing a tough day; release any expectations of how they should be and meet them where they are.

Faith

At first, assuming rapport will feel like a trick, a lie almost - how can one assume a friendship with a complete stranger?

Then you try it once and discover that the person responds positively. Feeling emboldened, you try it again with similar results. Pretty soon, you discover that what started off as a trick was actually the truth all along. The truth that we are, in fact, all connected and that assuming rapport isn’t so strange.

Examples of conversational openers that assume rapport:

1. You see a man taking a stroll through the park. He looks like he’s in a good mood.

“Someone looks like they’re having a good day.” 🙂

2. A woman is sitting on a park bench playing with her camera:

“Wow, that looks like a really nice camera.” 🙂

BONUS! Short 30-second video clip of me assuming rapport with a stranger at the park:

Things to notice in this interaction:

• How I first say a few words to get his attention, instead of saying, “Excuse me.”

• Then, the first question wasn’t, “Oh is this your cat?”, but instead jumps right into a conversation

• Finally, notice how someone else joins in on our interaction because the social barrier was broken. This happens all the time when you talk to strangers 🙂 

If you still doubt assuming rapport, look at our evolution. As hunter-gatherers, meeting new groups often led to trade and sharing knowledge. This, in turn, led to higher reproductive success. Think about your last pleasant interaction with a stranger — didn’t you feel a rush of endorphins afterward? We are wired to talk to strangers.

Of course, be safe. Don’t start assuming rapport with the sketchy-looking person in the middle of a dark alleyway at night. Exercise sound judgment. 

But give it a shot, expect goodness, and goodness will come to you.

Let me know how it goes.

With curiosity,

— Eric