J is for Judging Others

Everyone judges everyone all the time.

We have millennia of evolution wiring us to make snap judgments of each other for survival purposes.

While I don’t think we can stop these sometimes automatic or unconscious thought processes, I do think we can try to be aware of our judgments so we don’t close off potential opportunities for connection.

Decoding Snap Judgements in Street Interviews

As someone whose job hinges on connecting with strangers and uncovering their stories, I’ve come to realize just how pivotal these judgments can be.

When I make an accurate judgment, I feel like I truly see the person. It opens the door to deeper questions. But when I misjudge? The conversation can fall flat. I close myself off to their truth.

So, what’s the key? Staying aware of my judgments and holding them lightly.

Take this for example:

• Judgment: “Oh, this person’s Catholic, so they must think or act a certain way.”

• Awareness: “Okay I just made an assumption about someone with no real proof. Let’s try to stay open and see where the conversation leads.”

Or:

• Judgment: “This person seems uncomfortable and guarded. They probably don’t like me.”

• Test: “Let me ask how they’re feeling. Maybe they’re in a rush or something happened to them earlier.”

Being aware of my judgments helps me stay open and curious. The more open I am, the higher the possibility of connection.

The less aware of my judgments, the more closed I am, the lower the possibility of connection.

The Spectrum of Judgment

At this point, I think it would be wise to key in on some definitions. I’ve been using the word ‘judgment’, but not all judgments are created equal.

Here’s a quick overview from the least to most judgmental states:

1. Impression – An instinctive and immediate response to someone, often without much thought.

2. Assumption – A lightly held belief based on limited information, open to revision.

3. Evaluation – A more deliberate assessment of someone’s character or actions, based on specific criteria.

4. Judgment – A firm conclusion about someone, often difficult to alter.

5. Condemnation – The harshest form of judgment, assigning moral value to someone’s actions or existence, typically irrevocable.

When Jesus said, “Do not judge,” the Greek word he used was krinō—meaning to judge or condemn. The judgment Jesus warned against is condemnation, where we assign moral worth to someone. (“They are bad.”) It’s the kind of judgment that shuts down connection and empathy.

Now, sometimes quick judgments are necessary.  For instance, when you are walking down a dark alleyway and see a hooded figure walking towards you with their hands in their pocket, you best judge them quickly and take appropriate actions.

But in safer contexts, our assumptions and judgments can warp our perceptions, often inaccurately, affecting our relationships with others.

The Science of Judgment

Research shows that we are often overconfident in our initial judgments. Studies reveal that people with limited knowledge on a topic tend to be more confident in their judgments, even when they’re wrong. This phenomenon, known as the overconfidence bias, is common in many aspects of life.

The goal isn’t necessarily to judge less, but to be more mindful of our judgments to prevent shutting ourselves off from meaningful interactions.

The Mirror Effect of Judgment

Because here’s the kicker: the way we judge others often mirrors how we judge ourselves. The same harsh lens we turn on the world is the one we use on ourselves.

When Jesus said, “with the measure you use, it will be measured to you,” I don’t think he was just talking about the afterlife. It’s a dynamic we experience here and now.

The traits we judge harshly in others—selfishness, pride, ignorance —are often the very things we’re insecure about or unaware of in ourselves. Could it be that when we condemn others, we’re really condemning parts of ourselves?

For Jesus, after loving God the greatest commandment was to love others as we love ourselves. This reciprocity of judgment is key to building meaningful social connections. The more compassion we extend to others, the more compassion we have for ourselves.

Stay Curious: Your Challenge This Week

This week, I invite you to catch yourself in those micro-moments of judgment. Notice when you make a snap judgment, notice how it colors your perception of the other person, and try to hold that judgment lightly.

Stay open, stay curious. You might find that both your inner and outer worlds begin to open up in unexpected ways.

With curiosity,

Eric

PS: I’d love to hear how this experiment goes for you. Let me know how it feels to catch those judgments in action and reflect on them.

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