K is for Kindness

Growing up in California, I never imagined that New York would teach me the art of kindness. Allow me to explain through an old adage I once heard:

Californians are nice but not kind; New Yorkers are kind but not nice.

What does that mean?

In California, people are polite, staying in their own bubbles—plenty of space, great weather, Philz coffee. Harmony is found in not bothering each other.

In New York, it’s the opposite. The city is dense; stepping outside puts you immediately in someone’s personal space. Here, harmony comes from awareness of others. You might get yelled at for walking too slow or ordering too long, but if you need directions or you drop the contents of your briefcase, you’ll find that strangers quickly help.

Kindness, unlike politeness, is an active, selfless gift of love. It requires stepping outside of your comfort zone. When you manage to be kind, your world opens up.

Below are three tips for developing a spirit of kindness in your daily life.

Tip #1: The World Doesn’t Revolve Around You

As an only child, I often need to remind myself of this. 

Recently, I attended a men’s retreat hosted by my church in the Pennsylvania backwoods, expecting a peaceful weekend. Instead, I found cramped bunk beds, shared bathrooms, and a young, eager-to-make-friends crowd.

I was annoyed, wondering if I made the wrong decision coming. I isolated myself and reached out to a friend who reminded me: “Maybe you’re not here just to receive. You have experiences to share that could help others. I think God is calling you to love generously in this season.”

She was right. Once I realized I was being overly self-centered, something in me instantly switched. Almost immediately, I started engaging with others, offering encouragement and forming connections. 

By the end of the retreat, I was exhausted but also deeply fulfilled. 

When we let go of the idea that everything must meet our immediate needs, we begin to fulfill our deeper ones, making space for genuine connection.

Tip #2: Kindness Takes Courage and Humility

Kindness isn’t just about feeling empathy—it’s about acting on it. One day in the subway, I noticed an elderly woman struggling up the stairs. I hesitated to help, worried about imposing or appearing self-righteous.

But as I stood off to the side, I thought of my own grandmother. If she struggled up those stairs, wouldn’t I hope someone would help her? 

So I stepped in and asked the woman if she needed help. She smiled and declined, saying she could do it on her own, but I could tell she was appreciative that someone had offered to help. 

In that moment, I learned something important: 

Offering kindness isn’t about the reactions we receive or how it makes us look; it’s about the courage to extend a helping hand and the humility to put someone else’s needs first. 

Nowadays, I don’t hesitate to offer help, whether someone is carrying groceries or walking slowly. Sometimes they decline, sometimes they accept the help, but afterwards, I always feel a little more whole and a little more myself. 

Tip #3: Kindness is Transformative—For Us and Society

Kindness is contagious. It empowers others to act similarly. A small gesture, like helping someone with their groceries or offering directions, can set off a ripple effect. This chain reaction of goodwill can shift the atmosphere of a community. Monkey see monkey do. 

In this way, kindness isn’t just a personal virtue—it’s a catalyst for societal change. Deep down, everyone wants to be kind, it just feels inherently good. When we lead by kindness, we give others the permission to do the same. Every act of kindness chips away at that invisible social barrier, making it easier for others to do the same.

Your Challenge This Week

This week, make an intention to be more aware of your surroundings and people around you. See if there are opportunities to practice micro (or macro) acts of kindness. When you feel something tug your heart, don’t overthink, just offer a helping hand and see how you feel afterwards.

With curiosity,

Eric

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