L is for... Listening More Deeply.

Think about the people in your life who care for you the most—your parents, best friends, even your dog.

I would guess that they all have something in common: when you speak, they listen intently.

Listening is an act of love and in this article I’ll share three tips I’ve discovered for listening better, more deeply, and more compassionately.

Tip #1: Listen for Clues - What Are They Really Saying?

People often drop clues as they talk. Whether consciously or unconsciously, they leave “breadcrumbs” that hint at deeper truths.

See if you can spot the breadcrumbs below:

• “Yeah, I actually love doing job interviews. Growing up, I had to mature quickly, so I’m pretty confident in interviews.”
  

  What happened that they had to mature quickly?

• “I’ve been thinking about picking up painting again. I used to love it in college, but I haven’t done it in years.”
  

  Why did they stop painting?

• “I’ve been spending more time outdoors lately. It feels like I finally have room to breathe.”
  

  What felt so confining before?

As you listen, look for opportunities to dig deeper or ask a follow-up question, something that piques your curiosity and could reveal a more meaningful layer to their story.

Tip #2: Listen for Understanding - Why Are They Telling Me This?

If you catch yourself losing focus in a conversation—maybe the person is going off on a tangent, or you’re not naturally interested in the topic—pause and ask yourself:

Why are they telling me this? What’s behind their words?

Last week, at a networking event, I met a guy who worked as an HVAC system design engineer.

When I asked what his job involved, he explained he designed ventilation systems to ensure safe airflow in emergencies, like fires, so people could evacuate safely. Then he got into the minutiae of his work—technical details I didn’t quite follow.

I won’t get into the details of what he said, mostly because I do not remember, but I do remember thinking, what’s he really saying? Why is he telling me this?

The way he talked about his job, the depth and care he put into describing his role, made me realize he saw it as more than just design work. Beneath the technical details, he was communicating that his job carried significant weight and responsibility—lives were at stake.

So I asked, “It sounds like there’s a lot of detail involved in your work. Have any of your designs been tested in a real emergency?”

He replied, “Not yet… but a small fire broke out in one of our partner buildings, and the ventilation system wasn’t up to code. Luckily it was minor, but if it had been bigger, it could’ve been disastrous.”

“Wow. Is that a lot of pressure, knowing lives depend on your design?”

“Yeah…” he admitted, looking a bit solemn. “That’s actually something that stresses me out a lot.”

“I can imagine…how do you hold all of that?”

By stepping back and identifying the essence of what he was sharing, I was able to bridge the technical with the personal. Suddenly, I was in a conversation that was not only deeper but also genuinely interesting for me.

Tip #3: Listen for Emotions - How Are They Speaking?

Sometimes more important than what’s being said is how it’s being said.

Listen for intonation, notice their body language and facial expression, and tune into the general emotion behind their words.

Are they feeling light or heavy? Do they seem present or distant? Confident or a bit uneasy?

For example, you see your friend at work and ask, “How are you doing today?”

“Oh, I’m great, got a good night’s sleep, had a big breakfast, didn’t hit any traffic on the way to work.”

If this was said in a positive, upbeat tone, an appropriate response could be forward-looking: “That’s awesome! Any fun projects on your plate today?”

If it was said in a neutral, flat tone, a response that acknowledges the here and now might feel right: “Sounds like a pretty solid start—feeling good about today?”

And if it came out with a hint of sarcasm or negativity, perhaps focusing on recent struggles would be more empathetic: “It sounds like today was smoother than usual—been having rough mornings lately?”

Final Thoughts

TLDR: Listen smarter, not harder. Take a step back and think about what’s being said.

Listening isn’t just about keeping silent while someone else speaks. It’s about truly seeing them, hearing them, and connecting with them. Don’t just listen attentively, listen intelligently:

What are they really saying? Why are they telling me this? How are they telling me?

Treat listening like a game, an opportunity to crack the enigma that is all human beings, get into their hearts and inner worlds, and discover hidden truths and treasures for everyone involved.

Your Challenge This Week

Choose one conversation each day to fully immerse yourself in. Aim to discover one new detail or depth you might have missed otherwise.

At the end of the week, reflect on how this has changed your relationships and understanding of those around you.

Start listening, truly listening, today.

With curiosity,

Eric

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