M is for Maneuvering through Criticism, Rejection and Judgment

Have you ever stayed awake at night replaying a hurtful comment someone made about you? I have—many times.

As someone who interacts with humans in real life and online, I’ve faced plenty of criticism, rejection, and judgment.

Though I’m sensitive to the opinions of others, I’m learning to balance their impact on me.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Managing Criticism: Embrace Your True Calling

As my follower count grows, so does the criticism….

Sometimes people critique my interviewing style or the things I say. 

Sometimes they project their own experiences onto my videos, leaving comments like, “I felt uncomfortable for the person being interviewed,” even when the interviewee themselves expressed no such thing. 

Others, hypersensitive to issues of race or gender, unleash storms of fury over perceived slights.

When this happens, I catch myself obsessively refreshing the comment section, debating whether to take the video down. I text friends for advice, second-guess myself, and start spiraling into doubts about my ability as a creator - and that’s when I know the criticism has moved beyond my ego and into my heart.

Recently, after a particularly rough storm of comments, I took some time to journal, process, and pray. I felt God gently remind me of my calling with this verse:

Don’t let criticism derail you from your mission. If anything, your receiving criticism is a good sign, it means you are being refined, so stay the path and stay true to yourself.

As author Lysa TerKeurst puts it:

“Don’t let compliments go to your head and don’t let criticism go to your heart.”

Seeing Through Judgement: Accept Your True Self

In my article J for Judgment, I explored how judging others often reflects how we judge ourselves. The reverse is also true: when we stop judging ourselves, the judgments of others lose their sting.

What do I mean by judgment? Consider a comment like:

The first part is criticism; the second is judgment.

Criticism critiques what you’ve done; judgment critiques who you are. If we’re not careful, judgments can erode our sense of identity and self-worth.

So how do I deal with judgement? It’s a bit of a mental judo.

I once shared my struggles with judgment with Johnny Chang, an ex-gangster turned pastor. I expected him to encourage me with affirmations. Instead, he hit me with this:

“Eric, the truth is, you’re already a sinner. The Bible says we came from dirt, and to dirt we will return. Criticism and condemnation shouldn’t surprise you—they’re part of who we are.”

Or as Tim Keller once said: (paraphrased)

“If people knew the true depravity of our hearts—the selfishness, lies, and pride—they’d realize their criticisms were much too soft.” 

The beauty, however, is that Jesus washes us clean. This leaves us with both humility from knowing our flaws and glory from knowing our renewal.

Paul summarizes it well:

“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.” – 1 Corinthians 4:3-4 (NIV)

Or, to put it non-religiously, when we embrace our imperfections and accept ourselves as works in progress, the judgments of others become trivial. 

Now, when I hear something like, “You suck,” I remind myself, “Yes, maybe I did there, but I’m always getting better.”

As Carl Rogers, a famous American psychologist, says:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Understanding Rejection: Find Empathy in the Letdown

Rejection hurts. Whether it’s romantic, career-related, or social, being told, “You’re not what we’re looking for,” stings.

When I am out filming, rejection feels most tangible when someone declines an interview. If they’re in a rush or shy on camera, no problem. But when they scoff, disapprove, or outright ignore me—that’s when my ego acts up a bit, “Psh, who do they think they are?”.

I stew in self-righteousness for a while, feeling like I’ve been wronged. Then, inevitably, someone approaches me on the street, asking if I have a minute for their environmental donation pitch. I smile politely and think, “No, please stop bothering me.”

And it hits me: Oh. That’s what that’s like, to be stopped on the street when you’re in the middle of something.”

Rejection is more situational than it is personal. There is some truth behind the sentiment it’s not you it’s me. Often times rejection is more about timing, mood, or the other person’s own struggles, rather than anything about you. When we step back and consider their perspective, it becomes easier to let go.

Choosing Kindness in the Face of Criticism, Judgment, and Rejection

• In the face of criticism, revisit your purpose.

• In the face of judgment, practice self-acceptance.

• In the face of rejection, choose empathy.

None of this is easy. It takes practice. But whether we let negativity seep into our bones is our choice.

We can’t control others’ actions, but we can control our responses. That is true freedom.

One final thing: pick your battles. Sometimes, the best route to take is to ignore or disregard negativity. Not every comment deserves your time and energy, but if you can’t seem to let something go, refer to the points above.

Your Challenge This Week

Next time something someone says or does upsets you, pause and ask: 

Can I use purpose, self-acceptance, or empathy to free myself from the weight of negativity? 

Try it, and let me know how it goes.

With curiosity,

Eric

P.S. I’m brainstorming new article ideas and would love your input! What challenges have you faced in building connections, finding purpose, or personal growth? Email me and share your thoughts!

P.P.S. I’ve been hosting bi-weekly Zoom meetings for most of the past year, where strangers from around the world engage in meaningful and authentic conversations. If you’re looking to sharpen your social skills and make meaningful connections, come join us! The meetings in December will be on Mondays—12/2, 12/16, and 12/30—at 12 p.m. EST.

Use this zoom link.

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