How To Quickly Build Trust with a Person

People often ask me:

“How do you get strangers to open up to you in your interviews?”

And if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure.

Part of it is probably blessing that God has bestowed upon me, that makes others open up to me, but part of it has got to be something I’m doing. 

Upon reflection, here’s what I’ve come up with.

I’m calm.

My default setting, especially when I’m meeting someone for the first time, is calm and light. Unrushed. Unimposing. 

You’re in a rush and can’t stop for an interview? No problem, have a great day. 

Don’t want to talk about that topic? No worries, let’s talk about something else.

I carry the vibe that what we’re doing — meeting for the first time, having an intimate conversation, all whilst in front of a camera — isn’t a big deal. That helps people relax.

Now, some people don’t like calm, it unnerves them, but I can still bring a quiet intensity without talking excitedly, primarily, through the way I look at them.

I hold eye contact — gently.

It’s hard to trust someone who won’t look at you. Eye contact signals presence, and presence builds safety.

So when I meet someone, I let them feel my curiosity through my eyes. As much as they can take. If it’s too much, I’ll look away. But if they stay with me, I stay with them. I have nothing to hide.

And sometimes that’s what they need to see — that I’m not hiding anything.

I reveal myself when needed.

Vulnerability begets vulnerability. Sometimes, if a conversation feels stuck at the surface, I’ll ask, “Is there anything you want to know about me?” 

Then I’ll answer as honestly as I can — no hiding, no posturing. Just real.

That usually shifts the tone. Because if I’m willing to show up fully, they might feel safe enough to try, too.

I may even just share something about myself without them asking. As vulnerably as feels appropriate, in hopes of creating conversational flow. 

I create space.

Trust can’t be forced.

I never try to “get” people to open up. I create an environment that encourages and gives them the freedom to do so. 

There was one interview where a guy didn’t trust fully — and I could feel it. I even called it out mid-interview, jokingly. He said it was something small I did at the beginning that threw him off. I hoped I could win him over by the end, but I didn’t. He still didn’t trust me.

And that’s okay. I wouldn’t have done anything differently. You’re not going to connect with everyone in the world, and that’s part of the fun and mystery of it all.

I’m curious.

I say this often, but it’s worth repeating:

The Latin root of “curious” is curare — to care. Real curiosity is care in motion.

When someone senses that I actually want to understand them — not to dissect them or impress them or fix them — but to really see them? That’s when trust starts to grow.

And curiosity naturally leads to…

I listen.

I don’t listen to every word that they say, I listen to what they’re saying.

I once spoke to a guy who said, “I can’t seem to accept compliments from others. They’ll compliment me and I’ll say thanks while walking away. I was bullied as a kid and that always stuck with me, I can’t seem to let it go.”

He didn’t say he was lonely, but I heard it.

So I said, “Do you find it hard to trust people?” And he just nodded, quiet. That’s listening beneath the words.

Sometimes I’ll reflect back what they said — boil it down to a sentence or two. It helps them feel heard. And it helps me stay present.

Nothing breaks trust faster than feeling someone isn’t really listening. Nothing builds it faster than feeling like someone is really listening.

I seek to understand.

So I ask follow-up questions. Why? How did that feel? What would you have told yourself back then?

If something doesn’t make sense in their story, I ask. If something feels contradictory, I’ll gently call it out.

Because few things are more honoring than when someone tries — really tries — to understand you. It’s a way of saying: I see you, and I’m not afraid to go with you there.

Which brings me to this:

I see people.

Dead people.

Just kidding. I hope not, at least.

But really — I see people. For who they are. For what they’re trying to do. For the weight they’re carrying, and the reason behind it.

When you see a person for who they really are and accept them for it, there’s going to be a lot of trust ingrained in that relationship.

Want to practice this in your own life?

Here are a few small things you can try today:

• Hold eye contact just a little longer than usual. Let someone know you’re actually there with them.

• Ask how it made them feel, or simply, “Why?” when someone shares something

• Listen for meaning, not just words. Then reflect it back. Try: “So what I’m hearing is…”

Final thought

I don’t walk into conversations trying to get people to trust me. That feels a little manipulative. Instead, I try to create conditions where trust can happen. Where people feel free to offer it.

And when it does? I treat it like the gift it is.

At the core of it all, I think people trust me because I trust myself, and I trust God.

It took time, but people can feel it. 

With curiosity,
Eric

P.S. 

I’ve recently started a fundraiser that’s close to my heart:

▶ Protect and empower abused women in Afghanistan https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-mahbouba-seraj-protect-afghan-women

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